Evil Has No Underpants
by Rowan and Sakura
Summary: A take on where Yami no Malik got his clothes. Slight nudity and cursing, but relatively safe on the whole.


In response to this challenge…sort of.

Challenge- Okay, this has bugged me, and probably others, for a while. It's a question about where Yami no Malik got his cloak and black T-shirt from on the Battle Ship. All we saw Malik with was the regular outfit of a hooded sweatshirt kind of thing. Then when Yami no Malik has taken over and shows up for his duel with Mai, he's got the black shirt and cloak.

So, the challenge is this: write a fanfic where it logically explains how he got them, Hopefully something more interesting than 'he just had it stuck in his pants pockets where we couldn't see' ;)

I'm sort of answering this challenge. It's not logical but I find it very funny, so…anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would know, right? So there ya go; I don't own YGO!

Warning: Mild insanity from the authoress…nudity.

_Evil Has No Underpants_

"Master…Malik," Rishid whispered as Jou held his head awkwardly in his lap. The Egyptian raised his hand and pointed towards the group of spectators below the dueling arena.

As one, the group followed where he pointed and all eyes fell on Namu. The young man they thought they could trust, was leaning against the railing, one hand clutching his head and the other, stretched out against the metal rails, clutched the Millennium Rod. They gasped and took a step back.

"Rr-rr," Malik grunted in pain, as though fighting a growing migraine. "No, no!" Suddenly, the boy let out a harsh cry, both hands grabbing at his forehead, his purple eyes wide with fear and defeat. A bright gold flash of light emitted from the Rod. They all dropped their eyes, shielding the blinding beam from their sensitive retinas.

And then it was over and the screaming stopped. Rishid fainted in Jou's lap and an evil chuckle fell from the false one's lips. "Finally I am free!"

As one, the group looked back up and…began to laugh.

Yami no Malik glanced at them, a sneer on his bronzed face. 'What's so funny, you maggots!" he said.

But they just continued to laugh. Mai was able to gasp out enough words to say, "No…pant…oh my god…never seen…so small…" and then she dissolved into giggles again.

Yami no Malik glared murderously at the laughing mortals. "I demand to know what's so funny!" he said, holding up his Millennium Rod as a warning.

Even Seto Kaiba was laughing from the other side of the arena, carefully shielding Mokuba's eyes from what they all found so hilarious. Mokuba still peeked from behind his brother's barrier and he too was chortling with mirth. "He…oh man…I'd believe Mutou…about that ridiculous Pharaoh story…if this happened each time!" he managed to exclaim.

Yami no Malik's eyes narrowed to slits and he turned all his wrath and confusion on the closest person at hand, who happened to be Otogi. "What's so funny?" he yelled, shoving the Rod in the teen's face.

"Y-You!" he replied. "Oh my god…Mai's right…it's damn _tiny_…barely a fraction…of that Rod thing!"

"What's so funny about me?" Yami no Malik hissed dangerously.

Suddenly, from above, he heard a surprised shout. "What's going on- shit! Namu's naked!" Jounouchi cried from the dueling arena.

Yami no Malik looked down. No wonder it was so cold up there.

"Can I try that one more time?"

---

The next day was the second round of the semi-finals, yet there was a problem. Only Mai and Seto were prepared; they still had not seen the mysterious eighth duelist and Yami no Malik was no where to be found. The numbers were drawn anyway and Mai was picked to face the Egyptian.

"He shall have half an hour to appear, otherwise, he forfeits the duel," Seto replied to the inquiries of an anxious Yuugi, even more anxious Jounouchi and an impatient Mai.

"Well that'd be boring," the girl said. "If he's not down here in twenty minutes, I'm going to find him myself.

Meanwhile, in 'Namu's' room, Yami no Malik was pacing. His other half hadn't brought a change of clothes and apparently took the only pair they had when Yami no Malik shoved him aside. This would not do, however, for he had to duel that day.

"Naked or clothed, I will defeat the Pharaoh," he said.

There was a knock on the door and Yami no Malik answered it, restless but not showing it.

It was Isis at the door and in her hands, she held out a cloak, a black T-shirt, and a pair of pants. "You'll need those for your duel," she said from behind her veil. "You'll have to make do without underwear."

Yami no Malik smirked as he took the clothes from the woman. "That won't be a problem. Evil needs no underpants."

"And today, evil won't have any, whether he likes it or not. Just don't crap your pants while you're up there. It's the only pair you've got." And then Isis retreated back to her room.

_End_

Okay, so that definitely did not happen, but…I couldn't resist! Honestly though, that would have been hilarious if that happened for real! Can you imagine that happening each time yamis and hikaris switched? Yuugi would think twice about letting Yami duel for him, that's for sure! Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


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